I believe the children are our future
I believe I've used that title before, but it's all I can think of.
I believe my child being gone is screwing with my sleeping. I can't remember if it's happened before or what. But it's pissing me off. I keep thinking...OH! Derek is gone, I can get a TON of sleep, I can sleep in when I don't have to work and everything like that.
But no, instead I wake up and can't sleep. Like..maybe I'm worried? It's the only thing that's been different, so that's all I got.
Case in point, I was exhausted yesterday and figured I should sleep like a ROCK...I went to bed before ten, and thought..well, this is awesome, I can get up and shower and be lazy for a bit in the morning before going in so early (I'm early all this week).
WRONG!
I woke up at 1:00...and didn't get back to sleep until 4:30. I tossed and turned for almost an hour until I asked Ben to rub my back. He rubbed my back for an HOUR before he got tired and decided to go to bed. It was almost like a waking dream. Like I could doze off for a minute and then I'm awake!
I tossed and turned for another hour before deciding I should move to the couch and then changing my mind and just walking around for a bit. THEN AND ONLY THEN, was I able to go back to sleep. My alarm started going off at 5, and I kept hitting the snooze button, until Tara called me at 6:20, and thank god she did. Tomorrow and Thursday she is off, so I must wake my own ass up. No hitting the snooze.
Or else I'll be in deep crap.
My brain kept thinking. And nothing really consequential. No really big worries at the moment and nothing played round and round. I did get a bit grumpy and started thinking things like..I don't type when Ben is sleeping. I should come in and type and watch TV when he is sleeping. See how grumpy I get? Don't anyone wake me up, k?
But then he turned the lights off and rubbed my back and I STILL couldn't sleep. He started to get a bit frisky and I was even too grumpy for THAT.
Towards 4 and on, I just kept wishing I had something that would knock me out, but not keep me out for longer than a couple of hours. Like a punch in the head, or something.
Part of me wants to go to the store tonight and get something to knock me out! If we had something here at the store that was less than 8 damn dollars for homeopathic crap, I might just buy it. I can't do it, getting 5 or 6 hours of sleep. Actually 6 isn't bad, but 5? Broken up into two bits? Not so good. I dunno how people do it. I know that I used to get pretty grumpy waking up with the little one when he was littler.
(Completely O/T - Jake doesn't get up with this baby anymore than he got up with Derek. Karen TOTALLY called him on it while they were picking up Derek. It was funny. Hey wait, they didn't give me my money this month, MAYBE THAT IS WHY I CAN'T SLEEP. They didn't mention it, and I haven't seen anything in the mail. Which means I'll actually have to say something. I need at least half of the hundred, cause my rent is still based on that, even if they have the child and I don't.)
Derek wanted me to call him on Tuesday and Thursday, but I think I talked him into Tuesday and Friday. When I talk to him tonight, I'll have to say something to Jake..unless there is a check in the mail! I can hope. Maybe, if nothing else, talking to Derek will ease this sleeplessness thing. I can hope, again.
It would be a Christmas miracle!
I believe my child being gone is screwing with my sleeping. I can't remember if it's happened before or what. But it's pissing me off. I keep thinking...OH! Derek is gone, I can get a TON of sleep, I can sleep in when I don't have to work and everything like that.
But no, instead I wake up and can't sleep. Like..maybe I'm worried? It's the only thing that's been different, so that's all I got.
Case in point, I was exhausted yesterday and figured I should sleep like a ROCK...I went to bed before ten, and thought..well, this is awesome, I can get up and shower and be lazy for a bit in the morning before going in so early (I'm early all this week).
WRONG!
I woke up at 1:00...and didn't get back to sleep until 4:30. I tossed and turned for almost an hour until I asked Ben to rub my back. He rubbed my back for an HOUR before he got tired and decided to go to bed. It was almost like a waking dream. Like I could doze off for a minute and then I'm awake!
I tossed and turned for another hour before deciding I should move to the couch and then changing my mind and just walking around for a bit. THEN AND ONLY THEN, was I able to go back to sleep. My alarm started going off at 5, and I kept hitting the snooze button, until Tara called me at 6:20, and thank god she did. Tomorrow and Thursday she is off, so I must wake my own ass up. No hitting the snooze.
Or else I'll be in deep crap.
My brain kept thinking. And nothing really consequential. No really big worries at the moment and nothing played round and round. I did get a bit grumpy and started thinking things like..I don't type when Ben is sleeping. I should come in and type and watch TV when he is sleeping. See how grumpy I get? Don't anyone wake me up, k?
But then he turned the lights off and rubbed my back and I STILL couldn't sleep. He started to get a bit frisky and I was even too grumpy for THAT.
Towards 4 and on, I just kept wishing I had something that would knock me out, but not keep me out for longer than a couple of hours. Like a punch in the head, or something.
Part of me wants to go to the store tonight and get something to knock me out! If we had something here at the store that was less than 8 damn dollars for homeopathic crap, I might just buy it. I can't do it, getting 5 or 6 hours of sleep. Actually 6 isn't bad, but 5? Broken up into two bits? Not so good. I dunno how people do it. I know that I used to get pretty grumpy waking up with the little one when he was littler.
(Completely O/T - Jake doesn't get up with this baby anymore than he got up with Derek. Karen TOTALLY called him on it while they were picking up Derek. It was funny. Hey wait, they didn't give me my money this month, MAYBE THAT IS WHY I CAN'T SLEEP. They didn't mention it, and I haven't seen anything in the mail. Which means I'll actually have to say something. I need at least half of the hundred, cause my rent is still based on that, even if they have the child and I don't.)
Derek wanted me to call him on Tuesday and Thursday, but I think I talked him into Tuesday and Friday. When I talk to him tonight, I'll have to say something to Jake..unless there is a check in the mail! I can hope. Maybe, if nothing else, talking to Derek will ease this sleeplessness thing. I can hope, again.
It would be a Christmas miracle!
Comments
It's just her lack of presence. I think it's a mother-chemical thing.
That would freak me out. I'd lock the bedroom door when he wasn't there.