Don't realize

I realize that a lot of my problem is that I must have things SPELLED out to me. While I am REALLY big on actions speaking louder than words,especially after a few guys threw "I love you" at me just to get my attention, I need to hear things sometimes. Ben and I don't say it a lot. I know that he feels that way. Or maybe I don't. I mean, logically, if he didn't love me, he wouldn't put up with me. I don't know anyone who can put up with me for very long and all the time. That's for sure.
But logic plays no part in my head. None.
Instead I find myself wondering if maybe he just stays cause it's "comfortable".
And if I, yet again, have to be the one to break things off.
I ALWAYS felt like Jake didn't really want to be there. He would rather be at a party, or with his friends. Just anywhere but being at home with me and our baby.
Anything but spend time with us. And after awhile, it just got old. Throw in his quick temper and I finally had enough.
THEN, of course, he was all, But I DO want to be with you, and I CAN'T believe you are doing this to me, I was gonna ask you to marry me...and all this other happy bullshit.
The only time I've gotten flowers, like from a florist? The day AFTER I broke up with him. I had stopped sleeping with him.
Cause boys just think that everything is fine if you'll sleep with them. He actually knew something was up, because I refused to sleep with him. Which is silly, I like to think I'm fairly readable.
I don't feel that way with Ben. Ben takes the time to play games with Derek. Ben doesn't leave me all the time to go here and there.
I DO appreciate that.
Since we don't say it often though, I find myself needing reassurance. I read something the other day that someone I know wrote for his significant other and it was just amazing. It's things like that that I would like someone to write about me.
I would like Ben to have to do some stupid meme just to say how much he likes me and when he decided he was in love with me.
And so on and so forth.
Every so often I go back and write the e-mails he sent me in the beginning. E-mails that were sweet. But I'm not sure I should put them here.
If only men were more expressive of emotion. I mean..I get little touches, and I treasure those little touches, I am VERY much a physical being, and tremendously touchy-feely, but hearing I love you every day, or even having him make it a point to give me a kiss before bed. I've been trying, but it would be nice to have him initiate the kiss. Or something.
Anyhow...I've run out of steam and time, so I am gonna leave it at that.

Maybe it's just a case of the grass being greener, or something.