Random Thoughts

Wanted Vanessa Carlton I have wandered, far and wide for something real, some thing to die for but I have found you, and you do not see All that is me, all that is true I am more than you will see, I am more than you will need, I am more than you will see, More than wanted As you float the flimsy surface You should know life lies beneath it And don't pretend you feel what I feel You live illusion and I'm real I am more than you will see, I am more than you will need, I am more than you will see, More than wanted... I know, I know You like the way you feel When I play I know, I know You don't really hear What I say I know, I know You are waiting For something to raid I know, I know You wish you could be More than you say I have wandered, far and wide for something real, some thing to die for but I have found you, and you do not see All that is me, all that is true I am more than you will see, I am more than you will need, I am more than you will see, More than wanted I am m...

A you reading? If so, Bukkake! I really am the font of knowledge. I know all sorts of bad dirty things. Imagine the hits I will get using that word.

I forgot to mention that when I went home on Thursday, all freaked out over HIM , my lovely boyfriend gave me my mother's day present. A card that was so spot on, I had to laugh. He had Derek sign it and wrote that he loves me too. And I got the new NIN album. Still going through my old stuff that I was hankering for, but soon enough you will know the wonder that is With Teeth. Doesn't he fucking rock? Now I have to decide if I am getting him something for Father's day. Not that I am worried about if I outta, cause I really outta, but I am more worried about freaking him out. Yeah, cause a card and a present will freak him out of this relationship that I haven't freaked him out of yet. /sarcasm I still get all worried that he will think it stupid of me or something. What do you all think? Should I get him something?

I am almost caught up on my Soaps after staying home yesterday. I bought a digest on Saturday, A tried to discourage me, but I NEEDED it. I was going to post all about how I was SURE Micheal killed AJ, and then I read it in the digest. I don’t know if it is really that predictable or if I am just smart. Damn the digest for beating me too it. I didn’t know that Daniel’s lover was gay. That surprised me. Watching Daniel kill Jen this morning was weird. Way to start off the morning, but it was better than Emily’s awful rape. I did love the way they had Riley reading her letter as she was killed. I’m sad for Lindsay, too. Maybe it will give her some story and she won’t be relegated to the background. That would be nice. Also, I got to see them bring back Nikolas. UMM, he is SO yummy. The shower scenes were nice. I don’t like his hair, though. He needs a cut. After he gets a haircut, he should be back to the prince I know and adore. He is SO yummy, tell me he isn't yummy, I dare you. No...

Stayed home yesterday, obviously. You all didn’t think I could just not post, did you? Yeah, right. Blogger is my drug. It’s giving me crap, not even sure I will be able to post, but I’ll try. I slept wrong and my back was SORE yesterday. I don’t know, something about the cleaning. Plus, it was Monday, and I HATE Mondays. Woke up Ben and asked him to take Derek to school, and he did. I went back to sleep. YAY! Got up around noon and was bored. Tried to catch up on the Soaps a little, then went and took a shower. Pretty lazy, really. Watched some of the anime porn the boy had bought, it was ok, but weird, kinda. Told the boy about it later, this led to some wonderful discussion about it and how often I look at porn when he isn’t there. I do have to share that the couch is a wonderful place. There are so many ways to push yourself around, but man does my ass hurt today. Still entertaining and different. Really, try it. Use the arm to balance on with your feet on the ground. But, be care...

Saturday was BUSY. Grocery shopping with Tara and she brought along her two year old, Tyler. He is freaking ADORABLE. He looks just like her and the whole time when she would say something, he would say, “I know.” In that cute little baby voice. When she came to pick me up, he was eating M&M’s in the back seat, (with sound effects, thank god it’s not just my child *grin*) and about halfway through our trip, he became the Tasmanian Devil! She looked at me, and she was like…”That’s pure sugar, right there.” It was SO cute. Got home and put stuff away. Then A and Ben took off to see “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.” I cleaned like a madwoman. Last time A was over, she started cleaning my house and I was MORTIFIED, so I knew I needed to clean. (maybe that is why my tummy hurts) I had it almost done when they got back. There was much exclamation over how clean my house was. Maybe cause it hardly ever is clean nowadays. I swear I used to clean a bunch, but have no time now. Spent all n...

Gosh, where the hell to start? The beginning usually, right? Friday pretty much sucked ass. Ok, not that bad. The meeting was helpful for a little while. Until they started getting into menus and features that I can’t even access due to internal controls, so why would I need to know about them? About halfway through the day, I had this beautiful idea that I should go and start a bank account with my paycheck that day. I had almost an hour of overtime, so I should have been able to leave a little after 4:30 and the bank closes at 6:00. No problem, right? Except when they decided it was ok if I had a little bit of overtime, just so I could watch how to do something that they will NEVER ask me to do, but whatever. I finally got to leave at about 5:13. Called the bank to see if it was pointless, they told me it usually takes about 15 minutes and it should be fine if I got there at 5:30. Can you see where I am going with this yet? Get down there; sit down in the waiting area. When they help...

Talking about a return (which was about when I thought my ass was grass! I’ve covered since then) when I realized that my boss not only lacks people skills, and is generally incompetent, she also LIES. The lady who was training said something about being worried how long the returns were taking, because then we might take credits twice. My boss immediately jumps in with, WE NEVER DO THAT! I always research credits and if I can’t figure it out then I go to the buyer and ask them. 1. Even if she does go to the buyer, they prolly aren’t even thinking about returns they did months ago; that didn’t get to the proper person, ME. 2. She does not research them well, we did just take a credit twice and I know I didn’t do that. 3. I take the research to the furthest fucking extreme. No, it isn’t particularly fun, but it is necessary, obviously. Another thing that continues to piss me off is my stomach hurting. It’s really annoying and I don’t like it being the hypochondriac I am. Part of me is c...

Nobody's Fool Avril Lavigne Step up step up (step up) Step up step up (step up) Step up step up Step up Fall back, take a look at me and you'll see I'm for real, I feel what only I can feel and if that don't appeal to you Let me know and I'll go cuz I flow better when my colors show, and that's the way it has to be. Honestly, cuz creativity could never bloom in my room I'd throw it all away before I lie, So don't call me with a compromise Hang up the phone I've got a backbone stronger than yours. (step up) la la... (step up) la la... (step up) La la... Yeah... If you're tryin' to turn me into someone else It's easy to see I'm not down with that (Not nobody's fool) I'm not nobody's fool If you're tryin' to turn me into something else I've seen it enough and I'm over that (Not nobodys fool) I'm not nobody's fool If you wanna bring me down Go ahead and try Go ahead and try. Don't know you think you...

So, in looking around for people's names and Oregon, I just found out that the object of my obsession for far too FUCKING long just had a kid with his wife. Yay for them. Yep, yep, a son in January. This doesn't bug me, really, I'm so over it. Ok, I am lying a little. Maybe it's because he was with her for two months and they got married and now he has a new baby....so, yeah, it bugs me a little. It must be true love, right? Or someone who didn't let him use her like he used every other girlfriend I ever saw him with. oh and this shall NEVER be discussed outside of here. I don't mind the occasional slip about things like me bragging on the internet how much sex I am having, but if anyone says anything about this to my boyfriend. THEY WILL DIE! I couldn't stand to see him feel hurt about my unnatural fucking obsession. Just remember Des, He was SMALL! SMALL, SMALL, SMALL....maybe that will do it. Why should I care? Is there someway to cut out the part of my b...

Not really, I do want a new tattoo, though. The pretty rose on the pierced boob is nice, and the cancer sign on my leg is great, but I want a new one. They are so DAMN expensive though. Thinking about putting it on my shoulder. Maybe a butterfly, or maybe Derek's name in nice script. Kinda thinking about piercing the other nipple too, now that the first is really working out for me. This is cheaper, but the pain lasts longer, so I don't know. Maybe I could re-do the nose, I kinda liked it and would still have it, had I not taken it out in the great job search of 2002. It was so small, that I totally lost it. Of course, I took the tongue piercing out then too, but I was smart enough to leave it at home. Thank god! Ben took his tongue piercing out and I was all wierd about it. I lamented..."You are becoming normal." His response was, "Yeah, cause every guy has pierced nipples." Not like anyone can see them, but whatever. I've gotten used to it, but you wil...

I can not believe that in all my updating, I didn't inform you all that I brought the porn box back outta my garage. It's been there for about a year. And why, you ask....because for some reason when I had my house inspection, I thought they would open boxes and look in them. Like Porn isn't legal anyways. It was like seeing old friends...including a pack of 4 no-doze (sp?) that I had put in the box un-opened. They expire this year, I better use them soon. Did anyone else ever have a no-doze craze at your school? That was a HUGE thing for awhile. Just pop no-doze and run around like freaks....yeah, like teenage girls need help to act like freaks. *grin* Magazines, lotions, toys. I even showed A one and she poured through one magazine. I must have been really drunk. I might have offered to let her borrow it....yes, I was drunk. I usually get all silly about crap like that. Besides this one time...at band camp... I'm sorry, I couldn't resist . When I was moving one ti...

Well, here is my dumbass ex-boyfriend and the father of my child. Thanks to J for cluing me into the Goth website done by none other than someone I used to know and go to her job with, just to help her play music. Ok, can you see that Kat is smart enough to not let people steal her pics? *grin* If you want to see, go look at the site below. I believe the pic is captioned "Gothic Boyz" WARNING, there will be pop-ups. I am sorry and hate them as much as you. Oh, not a good picture, but he is the one on the right. I don't know how many times I've seen this picture and I wouldn't be surprised if I have one like it in my house somewhere. The other guy is Lenny, but we won't talk about Lenny right now, except to say...Watch out for him, he bites. Hard! Left Bruises. Yes, I was a slut. If anyone wants to see the site and I do recommend looking for Mouse's pic, because he totally is "girl-in-suit", here it is . And how the hell did I miss him being calle...

So my boys showed up last night at about 6 pm, I get off at 7, so I figured it wouldn’t be too bad. Derek ate by my desk and Ben brought me some food too, so that was nice. The child kept asking where everyone else that I work with was….umm, at 6, I am one of the last people here. I kept trying to explain that. I did end up taking him upstairs so he could see the people up there. Everything went pretty well, even with all the questions that fly outta the kid’s mouth. I just took the time to try and tidy my desk, rather than get actual work done. My perfect, fun night was not to be, alas. At 7, we went to get my stuff. The bus comes at 7:05, so we were kinda in a hurry. This, of course, is when I realize that I didn’t get his day pass for the bus from Ben. Apparently, we are too STUPID to think of such things, and by we, I mean me. So, I called him and he said he would do his best to meet us downtown by 7:30 for the bus home. So, we walked downtown…..yes, in the fucking pouring rain. I ...

Started out the week with one Levine...ending with another *grin* Tomorrow my ass is in class all day, so I might not actually get a chance to post. I might put a song here before I go home tonight and I will do my best to post tomorrow, but we'll see. Things I'll Never Say Avril Lavigne la la la la la [Verse 1] I'm tugging at my hair I'm pulling at my clothes I'm trying to keep my cool I know it shows I'm staring at my feet My cheeks are turning red I'm searching for the words inside my head 'Cuz I'm feeling nervous Trying to be so perfect 'Cuz I know you're worth it...you're worth it...yeah [Chorus] If I could say what I want to say I'd say I want to blow you... away Be with you every night Am I squeezing you too tight? If I could say what I want to see I want to see you go down on one knee... Marry me today! Guess I'm wishing my life away... With these things I'll never say [Verse 2] It don't do me any good It's jus...

Hey all, T came and visited me for lunch today. She even bought me a slice of pizza. The only thing bad about that is since I have been eating sandwiches and fucking carrots non stop, my stomach REBELED. It was like...um, no, you can't eat a simple fucking piece of pizza. Talked with her about fun time this weekend and it sound like she is super busy. Might not be able to really hang. She is one busy chick. So, I don't know about the movie, Miss A, cause I don't really want to pay 7 dollars for Derek to not be able to sit still through the movie. If it was a cartoon, no problem. I would be more than willing to watch M and maybe even J and N if you and T could work it. I was doing the math and for all of us to get in....4 adults, and 4 kids, it would be $56.00. Way too rich for my blood. Kid's names left out to protect the truly innocent. I might even be willing to let my boy go with you to see it, cause I know he wants to. No making out in the movie theatre, especially ...

I am all sorts of fucking technologically advanced people. Ok, not really, but I did change the stuff at the bottom of my posts to be more personal. Like it? Let me know, I can do whatever I want with it, cause I am so fucking smart. Now if only I could figure out pictures.

Ok, I am so lazy that I just copy and paste from letssingit.com, so this might not be right. I don't remember it repeating the way they have it here, but I don't have the CD with me to make sure. Pretty Hate Machine is my FAVORITE, so in honor of the new cd that just came out, I thought I would share my favorite off that album. I used to listen to this one ALOT after me and vampire wannabe ex-boyfriend broke up. Not that I had a lot of purity before him, but some. *grin* Sin Nine Inch Nails You give me the reason You give me control I gave you my Purity My Purity you stole Did you think I wouldn't recognize this compromise Am I just too stupid to realize Stale incense old sweat and lies lies lies It comes down to this Your kiss Your fist And your strain It get's under my skin Within Take in the extent of my sin You give me the anger You give me the nerve Carry out my sentence Well I get what I deserve I'm just an effigy to be disgraced To be defaced Your need for me...

I sat behind "THE MULLET" this morning on the bus. This guy was trying so hard. Slicked back, wet-looking hair (prolly too much gel) that was trying to escape anyways, cause it is curly. He has hair like mine, if it is short, it tends to try and be curly, not enough to look cute, just enough to be annoying. So, it was kinda curly on the sides with straight, straight hair in the back. Oh god, it's awful. People with hair like mine should never get a mullet. NEVER!

To anyone who might have visited during the last ten minutes, you will be happy to know that I fixed it. I was putting in my links and I put a ' where I shoulda put a ". It made so much of a difference that it looked like my site was one of those BIG print books for people who can't see well. It was AWFUL! Seriously. Not ok with it. Glad I was able to fix it, though. Makes me feel special that I can actually fix it.