All My Dreams Are Never Quite What They Seem
Ed. Note - I was going to put that in quotes from the Cranberries song, but it says "all my dreams" and then "what it seems"...how can it be ALL MY and then IT? It's bothering me. Yes, I'm a grammar nazi like that. But only some times.
I dreamt of a gorgeous baby girl last night. Very, very darling, but very, very sick. (I'm not a comma nazi) I don't know how sick, or why, but she wouldn't wake up to eat, only if she had a dirty diaper.
And then an ex co-worker of mine was supposed to come over to my house to pick me up, so I was trying to clean this baby girl up quickly. And it was my old house, like from when I was a teenager. But shit was everywhere. Literally. Ha.
It's not really surprising that I'm dreaming of babies. I feel lately like I'm surrounded by them. It's not a bad thing, though it's difficult, cause I want to hold all these babies and they aren't really mine to hold.
I think it's interesting that what I really remember from the dream wasn't the good stuff about babies, but the diaper bit.
What surprised me though is that I think I had three kids, one even older than Derek.
Another boy. Now that I'm writing about it, I almost want to say that it was my cousin Anthony. Who would be quite a bit older than I envisioned. That feels right, but doesn't mean anything really.
I think that part of it is because of the blogs I've been frequenting lately. A couple of infertility blogs. I don't know how I stumbled on them, probably from Dolce or something, but I'm addicted. It seems so strange to me that people who really want a child can't have one when I got pregnant so easily.
It really blows my mind, makes me wonder if perhaps I was meant to have the kid when I was young. Maybe I couldn't have one now if I wanted. I do know that every pregnancy scare I've talked myself into never was actually a pregnancy. But maybe my birth control is just that awesome.
YAY for birth control!
All I know for sure is that as I poured cereal this morning, I thought to myself, wouldn't it be funny (in an awful, horrible way) if the boyfriend had decided he did want a kid with me? Maybe his thoughts penetrated my head? It would be a bad funny. A very bad funny. Would I be able to say no? I do love me some babies, but doing all the little kid things over again is so daunting. And I'd probably get a very difficult baby this time around, and I don't know that my patience is much better now than it was then. Derek was an easy baby.
All this is speculation, and I'm pretty damn sure that Ben doesn't want a baby, I just thought it would be funny (in that bad way) and it struck me all of the sudden.
In other news, good news, I think I know how to avoid paying the state money for more taxes. I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner, but it's brilliant. I just have to declare Ben as a dependent. It means I have to amend my federal tax return, but that's cool. I can deal with that. I hope, I'm going to tackle the paperwork on this, my long weekend. I'm hoping I can get it mailed out ASAP, and then do my state. I'm so very happy about it, cause the state REALLY screws you on taxes. Important yes, but DAMN. I'm poor, stop taking that much money from me. LOL.
Wish me luck, tax-ese is freaking hard. I have already figured out that I can legitimately claim Ben as a dependent, now I just have to make the paperwork work.
=)
I dreamt of a gorgeous baby girl last night. Very, very darling, but very, very sick. (I'm not a comma nazi) I don't know how sick, or why, but she wouldn't wake up to eat, only if she had a dirty diaper.
And then an ex co-worker of mine was supposed to come over to my house to pick me up, so I was trying to clean this baby girl up quickly. And it was my old house, like from when I was a teenager. But shit was everywhere. Literally. Ha.
It's not really surprising that I'm dreaming of babies. I feel lately like I'm surrounded by them. It's not a bad thing, though it's difficult, cause I want to hold all these babies and they aren't really mine to hold.
I think it's interesting that what I really remember from the dream wasn't the good stuff about babies, but the diaper bit.
What surprised me though is that I think I had three kids, one even older than Derek.
Another boy. Now that I'm writing about it, I almost want to say that it was my cousin Anthony. Who would be quite a bit older than I envisioned. That feels right, but doesn't mean anything really.
I think that part of it is because of the blogs I've been frequenting lately. A couple of infertility blogs. I don't know how I stumbled on them, probably from Dolce or something, but I'm addicted. It seems so strange to me that people who really want a child can't have one when I got pregnant so easily.
It really blows my mind, makes me wonder if perhaps I was meant to have the kid when I was young. Maybe I couldn't have one now if I wanted. I do know that every pregnancy scare I've talked myself into never was actually a pregnancy. But maybe my birth control is just that awesome.
YAY for birth control!
All I know for sure is that as I poured cereal this morning, I thought to myself, wouldn't it be funny (in an awful, horrible way) if the boyfriend had decided he did want a kid with me? Maybe his thoughts penetrated my head? It would be a bad funny. A very bad funny. Would I be able to say no? I do love me some babies, but doing all the little kid things over again is so daunting. And I'd probably get a very difficult baby this time around, and I don't know that my patience is much better now than it was then. Derek was an easy baby.
All this is speculation, and I'm pretty damn sure that Ben doesn't want a baby, I just thought it would be funny (in that bad way) and it struck me all of the sudden.
In other news, good news, I think I know how to avoid paying the state money for more taxes. I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner, but it's brilliant. I just have to declare Ben as a dependent. It means I have to amend my federal tax return, but that's cool. I can deal with that. I hope, I'm going to tackle the paperwork on this, my long weekend. I'm hoping I can get it mailed out ASAP, and then do my state. I'm so very happy about it, cause the state REALLY screws you on taxes. Important yes, but DAMN. I'm poor, stop taking that much money from me. LOL.
Wish me luck, tax-ese is freaking hard. I have already figured out that I can legitimately claim Ben as a dependent, now I just have to make the paperwork work.
=)
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