Random Thoughts

OMG FUCK THAT POST. I tried to edit and only made it worse. Fuck you blogger.

OMG yall. What the fuck happened with that post down there? This is what I get for typing it out and then pasting later. I'm gonna try to fix it, but no promises. My brain is a douche bag. I realize that title up there is gonna make you think that I have an answer as to why my brain is a douche bag, but I merely have examples, no answers. I could blame it all on my childhood, but we all know I've beaten that into the ground. I feel like I blame everything on my childhood, but never really give it credit. So a short list of why it wasn't so bad growing up me.. I'm SO fucking capable of handling almost anything. Sure I flail about and whine and maybe don't know enough adult stuff to do things like buy a house on my own, but when shit goes down I fucking take care of it. I know how. Mostly. Or at least I pretend. Got pregnant at 16, didn't even create a reality TV series from it, instead got my shit together and today he is a fairly well adjusted almost 15 year...

Weekends…..I love them so. Pretty sure they don’t always love me though. Friday was sad…Saturday Ben went to bed early, I was the one who was up and couldn’t sleep, figured it’d be a perfect opportunity to watch a horror movie, but then realized how creepy it would be at midnight with a sleeping, snoring man upstairs. Yesterday we watched Clueless again. I "15="15" 25="25" also="also" and="and" badly.="badly." be="be" cause="cause" don="don" done="done" down="down" enough="enough" have="have" hurt="hurt" i="i" just="just" keep="keep" legs="legs" make="make" maybe="maybe" meds.="meds." might="might" movie.="movie." my="my" myself="myself" not="not" or="or" pushing="pushing" should="should" so=...

So this is endorphin high? I LOVE this feeling. I busted my ass last night trying to get home in the allotted time Google gives you on their maps and I probably would’ve made it, but instead I waited at the liquor store for Ben because audit sucks. Oh yeah. Audit sucks. I hate it. I probably say this once a year at least. If not multiple times during this time period each year, but it REALLY does. Everything is so stress ridden. *sigh* Anyhow. Started this week discouraged. Blood pressure readings were higher at the beginning of the week and I was like…this is all for nothing. That damn doctor is still gonna put me on meds if I can’t get this shit under control. That was how I felt. No plans to walk at all made for the week and I was very discouraged so I emailed my mentor (yes Jenn I’ve decided that you are my mentor in this, since you are the only person I know right now who goes to the gym. On a regular basis) and was like “I’m discouraged, this is pointless, what am I doi...

I'm sad. I have no connection and I can't even poop book in the morning now. I'm glad they took it, I hope they don't charge me for fixing or replacing it...... Meh. So.. I have a fatty liver. Which is weird. Even my liver is fat now? I thought the stuff on the inside was doing ok? Or maybe it's all just because they couldn't come up with a real reason for what is wrong with me? That's fine. I'm busting my ass trying to be better. Trying not to be sitting on my ass on the couch all the time. Walked to VRC from my house on Coburg yesterday. Today my feet are not hurting too bad, but my ass still hurts. I'm hoping all this makes a difference. I really don't know, but I do know that I have a kick ass tan going on. Well, kick ass for me that is. I just wish I could think of more reasons to get the fuck out of the house. Everything I can think of is a food place or somewhere I'd have to spend money and I am broke. Maybe $1.50 movies....eve...

I have yet to get the “high” blood pressure reading my doctor got. Not in the 140’s as she put it…. I’m not really sure why I’m surprised that she would have put me straight on the meds based on a high reading 3 times. Doctors are stupid. This morning it was down to 124/94 – okay, the lower number is a bit high, but my morning readings seem to run that way. It was 90 yesterday morning. And in the 80s the past two nights. It’s funny, I was so nervous about getting the machine and still getting a high reading. I suppose all the broccoli may have helped (it’s a miracle!), and the walking too, but I still think she was over reacting. No word from doctor yet. The ultrasound guy didn't look disturbed. Hell, no news is good news right? In any case, I am excited about the better blood pressure. Perhaps something I am doing is making a difference, perhaps it was all a fluke. Who cares? I don't mind vegetables and now when Ben gets that look on his face I remind him...

This no alcohol thing ends tomorrow! I won’t lie, I’m excited to go home and have A rum and coke or something. I’m gonna save my drinking time for birthday more. But it’s been an uphill battle this week. Everyone seems to be driving me crazy at work. Yes, it’s merely an excuse as work mom pointed out, but I don’t really care right now. I’m glad to know I can go without drinking, but I’m also glad that I don’t have to all the time. As for the rest of it….I bought way more fruits and veggies than I ever have yesterday and am currently munching away on cherries. SO GOOD. Prior to this whole doctor mess I had been thinking that perhaps I should be eating at least a little better. Everything with all that fat? And the processed stuff? I’m not saying I won’t eat it ever again, especially in a pinch, but I much prefer a baked potato to mashed potatoes from a box. This just seems to be the kick in the pants I needed, and now B can’t moan and groan about having to cook more compli...

It's very odd to come back to work after a holiday. It feels like Monday, but I have tomorrow off. Not super excited to work Sunday. I get to work with the whiner kid. =( Meh. So be it. At least I can hide in the deposit room and play music loudly. Course if he does the same, it'll be just like a goddamn rave. Le sigh. So this not drinking thing is...interesting. I went into it all hardcore and shit, but I'm kind of bored. So instead I'm eating. That probably isn't a lot better at least for my weight. I've watched a lot of movies and shows though. In other news, I've walked 3 days in a row now, to varying degrees....and I have a date to walk tonight. Plus I'm gonna eat SO many green things tonight. Good job me. The end of the year sucks around here and I have the misfortune to be born this month so while my birthday is a week away, I feel like no one is going to remember what with all the other stress. Again, so be it. This is called being an ad...

WTF Site meter? You piss me off. Why are you not working? I need to see who's reading this. Jeez. GRRR.

It's been almost a year since we moved into the new place. Don't think I shared the crazy landlord story. And it is a good, weird one. I will   certainly share it at some point. Not today though. SO. Things have been crazy. Derek "graduated" from middle school. I went in for my regular annual check up only to have my blood pressure go up and then I got screwed out of my birth control. I was put on a different one, which is fine. It's a bit less effective if I'm not using it perfectly, but I've been so good at this lately that I'm actually not too worried about it. Between Ben and I, we remember and having it be partially his responsibility makes me less worried that he'll think I did it on purpose if the worst case scenario did happen. Not that I want it to. Sheesh. Having a baby now would be ridiculous. Mostly what this has meant has been a visit to my regular doctor, a still high bp reading, she wanted to throw me on medications r...

I keep thinking I should really tidy this up. I mean, I don't even know if any of my links work anymore. But the time? When do I have the time? Now don't get me wrong, I have plenty of free time lately, but it's hard to do anything from my iPod and if I am in the room with the computer, Ben follows me and/or gets on the computer first. I know, white people problems, huh? Friday I get to make yummy veggie laden dinner with Ariel and my old roommate Heather. Excited for that, but man Monday takes forever. Especially when it's the late shift. I'm trying to eat healthier, or at least start to incorporate more veggies in. I've already stated with fruits, eating apples and yogurt for breakfast semi-daily. And! It's almost my birthday. I tried, in vain, to hold it in. I haven't been telling people monthly, maybe I told Ben once or twice, but not that it's less than 3 weeks away, I'm practically bursting with excitement. Sounds like a day trip to...

7 whole views this week! I have "visitors" who I am decidedly more excited about than they are on south park. I figured that deserved a post but then I spent the whole day cleaning and then I started drinking. Cause it's the weekend and I must squeeze every goddamn bit of it out. Add that to a late start tomorrow and of course I started drinking. Which means this is all of a post you get. Ps. How come Fox used to have so many good shows? WTF Fox? You heightened my expectations and then got rid of anything that wasn't animation.

My site meter broke. It didn't even recognize my sign in anymore. How can I tell if anyone is reading without a site meter? Now I had to make a new one and my 16,000 hits or so are all gone. Today is fucking lame. Graduation means craziness here and my brain hurts. People like to huff and puff and heave great fucking sighs of exasperation. You are merely feeding my annoyance and now I'm gonna be an asshole too. So good job. Seriously looking forward to steaks with Jenn on Saturday. STEAKS.

Father’s day is not an awesome holiday for me. Last year I must have been so panicked about getting kicked out of my house and finding a new place…that it just kind of happened and I didn’t really think about it. This year was not the same. I thought I was fine and I would be fine and then I’d open facebook and see everyone talking about their dads..or my brain would pipe up and remind me how I didn’t have a dad anymore. Or a grandpa. Then I’d tear up and then I’d feel like a moron. I mean…should I still be this easy to tear up? Maybe it was just the holiday? It’s not like I see my dad any less now than I did before considering I hadn’t seen him since I was 12 almost 13. I always thought there would be time later. Of course I did. It’s one thing to know how unlikely it was for me to go to Colorado and see people, including my dad…but entirely another to know I CAN’T ever see him again. So I hid in my house, tearing up and trying to pretend I wasn’t….and I read. A whole ...