My thoughts on marriage.

So everyone seems to have an opinion on marriage. The large majority seems to say that they don’t think marriage matters/don’t really think about it.

I’m willing to be that the people who don’t think about it are young or men.

I’m not getting any younger, I want someday to be married. I’m not sure I want to change my last name or have a ring on my finger (mainly cause that shit is expensive) but I want that final security blanket for me. Or maybe just as something for my bucket list. As something I’ve done. I can’t seem to explain myself to anyone who thinks that marriage doesn’t matter and assures me that I shouldn’t care, much like I can’t convince someone who is against gay marriage that their arguments are invalid.

And on that note. I merely want what the gays/lesbians want and fight for. Why is it weird that I’m fighting to be “married” to the adult person I love the most? Why can’t I have what they want too? Why do people insist on telling me “it doesn’t matter”?

Obviously it does to me.

After almost 13 years, I know we both are in it for the long run, I just want to go that last step. And since I’ve compromised on other things I thought I wanted/needed in my life throughout this almost 13 years (big things too), I’m even less willing to give up on this last remnant of normal. So little of my life has been normal, I’d like to have this “normality”.

The other side? That assures me marriage doesn’t count? ARE ALL FUCKING MARRIED/DIVORCED. So it must have mattered at least a little bit to them at some point. Are they unhappy now because they did get married?

Cause I have more years under my “relationship belt” than a lot of people, and I’m not unhappy. We still like each other the best. If I go out, I’ll have fun, but I’m always excited to come home and see him and talk to him. He’s the person I talk to the most, the one who I rarely hold anything back from, the one who KNOWS ME THE BEST. Out of everyone. Maybe why I want to be married suddenly so much is because I know I’ve found “the one” who I can be with forever and not feel like I’m always looking for a way out? Because I know I’ll never get divorced from B? Which is also a big fucking deal to me. I NEVER want to be divorced.

The ones who seem to understand where I’m coming from? Single women around my own age. We’re in the same boat.

Maybe I’m so crazy about it because I’ve learned that life is fleeting and who knows when your time may come? Maybe it’s like the biological clock thing? Fuck if I know. I just wish people would stop telling me that I shouldn’t care. Because I do and nothing you say will convince me otherwise, much like nothing I say will really prove my point.

So why am I telling you all this if it won’t prove my point? Because I am an asshole who over shares.  And this is my place to get my grievances out without yelling directly at people. People think I’m nice, I’m not really, I just type up judge-y rants on my blog later.

Thankfully B is not as against marriage as I thought for so long. Someday I WILL be married to him. As for when, well that is in the cards and the future. I was teasing him about it this week because I hate Christmas so much, I thought maybe I’d tease him and he’d be like..oh okay and I could hate Christmas less. No, I didn’t SERIOUSLY think that, but stranger things have happened, yes?

Anyhow. Merry Fucking Christmas to you all too. I’ll be the Grinch sitting at home doing un-Christmas-y things.