"Tomorrow is anotha day"
Yes, I did have to spell it that way.
It's said like "anotha", I'm keeping it right.
I'm not sure why I thought that this part of the process would be any better. But I read somewhere that if you are going to waste time worrying about things when you don't know how they will turn out, you might as well "worry" that they will turn out well.
So, I was faintly optimistic on Monday when I went down to Legal Aid for this whole being sued business.
Turns out? I'm not poor enough. The really suck thing is that I might be poor enough if I said I supported Ben, but then we have to get all involved in his money that he can't touch. Meaning, I would need to have his financial information and I don't know if it will help or hinder me. The main reason I say 2 in the house when they ask me, I never know if adding him is a good thing or not.
My housing payments went down when he stopped receiving money. Maybe that's a good sign? I don't know when I can get back down there and talk to them again.
Maybe I can just call them? I just felt like saying..well, I have OHP and Section 8, what do you mean I'm not poor enough?
She was sympathetic, but no help. I'm running out of time here. That much I know.
She gave me a business card to call for a $35 fee to get some legal advice.
I'm not sure they could have helped me much anyway. She looked confused by all my papers.
I got a referral for a lawyer. They said I could call back if the attorney didn't return my calls in 2 business days.
No call back. I feel miffed. Like they knew I was low income and so what is the point of helping me, when they could be getting 100 dollars or more an hour.
I have to get a fee deferral by the 15th at the latest, for the arbitration.
I feel like I'm going to lose, especially without a lawyer, but I also feel like it's gone to far and calling them to try and set up payments will let them know I'm scared. Which means they could refuse and decide to go all the way to court. I don't really want to pay the courts another 300 eventually, but if I can't go to the arbitration, I can't even come close to having a chance to beat this.
All I wanted to know from the lawyer was if I should stop this and who I could talk to to get them to stop suing me. And if I can declare bankruptcy after the fact if they win and this all goes horribly wrong. I think I can. It wouldn't make any sense if I couldn't. At that point it's not a question about whether I owe them, only a question about if I can afford to pay them.
So many questions, never any answers.
I'd like someone to hold my hand now, please? Except no one can, cause no one else knows any more than I do.
I'd like to have known before I set myself up for further expense, but perhaps this is just my lot in life right now. Maybe I need to learn a rather expensive mistake.
I just feel like I was pushed into this from the beginning. They shouldn't be able to just take my money without a fight.
I got screwed by Sears (a single mother/college student of 20 years old) when I didn't know any better, and now I'm going to be screwed by some big credit company that only cares about the numbers, not about me.
I feel like I've been pulling myself up by my boot straps my whole life and I'm finally getting somewhere, only to be pushed back down.
When I start to get too freaked out (ha), I figure that the worst they can do is take my money. Maybe a lot. Maybe I won't get to have cable, maybe I won't get to have internet, maybe we'll have to watch our food bill more, maybe we won't have any fun money. It sucks, but is it really any worse then when my own parents couldn't afford to do laundry? We never had cable, and I turned out all right.
Maybe Ben will get bored and actually care about finding a job. Not that it matters to me, one way or the other. If he finds a job, I'll just have to worry about day care.
Maybe Ben would be better off without me mucking up his life.
Maybe Derek would have been better off if I'd given him up for adoption.
My mom just bought a house. It makes me sad. She's doing so well, perhaps I WAS always the problem. Perhaps I bring people down to my level?
I'm not even sure what level that is.
Only that it makes me sad.
Then when I think a little harder, I try and look at it from another perspective. From all I've conquered, all I've accomplished, is this REALLY going to be the thing that breaks me?
I don't think so.
It's said like "anotha", I'm keeping it right.
I'm not sure why I thought that this part of the process would be any better. But I read somewhere that if you are going to waste time worrying about things when you don't know how they will turn out, you might as well "worry" that they will turn out well.
So, I was faintly optimistic on Monday when I went down to Legal Aid for this whole being sued business.
Turns out? I'm not poor enough. The really suck thing is that I might be poor enough if I said I supported Ben, but then we have to get all involved in his money that he can't touch. Meaning, I would need to have his financial information and I don't know if it will help or hinder me. The main reason I say 2 in the house when they ask me, I never know if adding him is a good thing or not.
My housing payments went down when he stopped receiving money. Maybe that's a good sign? I don't know when I can get back down there and talk to them again.
Maybe I can just call them? I just felt like saying..well, I have OHP and Section 8, what do you mean I'm not poor enough?
She was sympathetic, but no help. I'm running out of time here. That much I know.
She gave me a business card to call for a $35 fee to get some legal advice.
I'm not sure they could have helped me much anyway. She looked confused by all my papers.
I got a referral for a lawyer. They said I could call back if the attorney didn't return my calls in 2 business days.
No call back. I feel miffed. Like they knew I was low income and so what is the point of helping me, when they could be getting 100 dollars or more an hour.
I have to get a fee deferral by the 15th at the latest, for the arbitration.
I feel like I'm going to lose, especially without a lawyer, but I also feel like it's gone to far and calling them to try and set up payments will let them know I'm scared. Which means they could refuse and decide to go all the way to court. I don't really want to pay the courts another 300 eventually, but if I can't go to the arbitration, I can't even come close to having a chance to beat this.
All I wanted to know from the lawyer was if I should stop this and who I could talk to to get them to stop suing me. And if I can declare bankruptcy after the fact if they win and this all goes horribly wrong. I think I can. It wouldn't make any sense if I couldn't. At that point it's not a question about whether I owe them, only a question about if I can afford to pay them.
So many questions, never any answers.
I'd like someone to hold my hand now, please? Except no one can, cause no one else knows any more than I do.
I'd like to have known before I set myself up for further expense, but perhaps this is just my lot in life right now. Maybe I need to learn a rather expensive mistake.
I just feel like I was pushed into this from the beginning. They shouldn't be able to just take my money without a fight.
I got screwed by Sears (a single mother/college student of 20 years old) when I didn't know any better, and now I'm going to be screwed by some big credit company that only cares about the numbers, not about me.
I feel like I've been pulling myself up by my boot straps my whole life and I'm finally getting somewhere, only to be pushed back down.
When I start to get too freaked out (ha), I figure that the worst they can do is take my money. Maybe a lot. Maybe I won't get to have cable, maybe I won't get to have internet, maybe we'll have to watch our food bill more, maybe we won't have any fun money. It sucks, but is it really any worse then when my own parents couldn't afford to do laundry? We never had cable, and I turned out all right.
Maybe Ben will get bored and actually care about finding a job. Not that it matters to me, one way or the other. If he finds a job, I'll just have to worry about day care.
Maybe Ben would be better off without me mucking up his life.
Maybe Derek would have been better off if I'd given him up for adoption.
My mom just bought a house. It makes me sad. She's doing so well, perhaps I WAS always the problem. Perhaps I bring people down to my level?
I'm not even sure what level that is.
Only that it makes me sad.
Then when I think a little harder, I try and look at it from another perspective. From all I've conquered, all I've accomplished, is this REALLY going to be the thing that breaks me?
I don't think so.
Comments