*Snarl*
I've avoided talking about this all week.
My weight went up. That five pounds I lost last time? Gained that back, plus another pound. And it's fine to be happy with your body and all that, and I'm really trying
not to obsess over a number, but this could affect my health.
They went on and on about how my specific birth control can make you gain weight, can make you feel hungry when you're not, or that Depo puts on two pounds every year that you CAN'T LOSE.
Which is bullshit. I mean, I already eat when I'm not necessarily hungry, obviously.
But how can they track that? How can they say that it's definitely the birth control's fault? In August when I went in, I expressed my concern over my seeming senility and how I'd managed to forget to take the pill a little to often for my liking. They seemed to think that Depo was the way to go, even though I kept asking about an IUD. She didn't like that idea apparently. And I didn't care, as long as something was working that I didn't have to worry about.
I'd been on Depo before when I was seeing a different doctor. For nine months. Then they said I was gaining too much weight and I needed to go on the pill. For 7 years I took the damn pill and didn't get pregnant. I still gained weight, I've gained weight every year of my LIFE it seems like. Then I kept forgetting, and NO it wasn't my subconscious. Derek is 9 and would not benefit in any way from a little brother or sister. I don't have the time or the money for a baby, so it's an unspoken agreement between Ben and I that a baby would be a bad idea.
Ben's not a baby person anyhow.
They went on and on about other types of birth control. On and on about how I could keep gaining weight. When I lost five pounds they didn't go on and on. I felt rather bad and started crying, and then the really mean one was like..hey, I've battled the weight all my life too. Whatever. Quit making me feel bad about it, and maybe I won't cry, ok? I UNDERSTAND THAT GAINING WEIGHT IS NOT A GOOD THING IN MY CASE, I don't need it shoved down my throat.
So after the going on and on, and me not willing to try out anything new for now, they sent in the nurse to give me my shot. She asked me if birth control made me emotional. I don't know if they were trying to get her to push me towards this ring birth control or what. I told her I honestly didn't know. I've always thought of myself as a fairly emotional person anyhow, but before I took birth control I was a pregnant teenager, so WHAT DO I HAVE TO COMPARE IT TO? I'm SURE I was emotional then,
and I've been on birth control for years now. Maybe it does make me more emotional, I may NEVER KNOW.
Certainly this need they have to switch me to a different birth control makes me more emotional. I like Depo. I don't even have a period anymore (sorry to any boy who might have just read that, I'm not a good censor of myself) and there is no worry about getting pregnant. Maybe it's unnatural, but I LIKE not having a period.
Anyhow. I was really discouraged on Friday, which is why I think I waited to write this out. I sobbed (actually sobbed!) on the walk back to the bus stop. Ideally, I could just get my tubes tied and be done with it. I'm worried that my insurance won't cover enough of it, or worse yet, that I'll have to have some REASON to have my tubes tied. Other than getting pregnant, that is. That sounds about right, as I noticed on one of the information sheets the gave me that the "helper" insurance programs for Family Planning don't cover a tubal. They will, however, cover a vasectomy. It's an easier procedure. Which is bull crap. Yet another way in which girls get SCREWED.
I'm going to have a talk with our reps on the 15th. I'm gonna corner one and see if I can't get some idea of what it would take to get my tubes tied.
Maybe that will be my answer.
I tried to talk myself out of the discouragement all day Friday. I mean, I just started the walking home thing, and it's going to take some time before it "kicks in". These things usually do. It's not MAGIC. So, I'm gonna keep trying my best. And avoid eating until I absolutely have to. Because I was just eating when I was hungry, but now I can't even trust that. We spent almost two hours on the yard Saturday, and I still hurt. I'm so sore all over. But it was good for me! I have to take pictures. It really looks nice. I never remember to take before pictures, so I can't really compare, but at least you can see my garden gnomes again. The grass was getting pretty high there for a bit.
And I refuse to be discouraged. I just need to research. I will find the perfect birth control! As for my weight, and why it actually matters now? Last time I talked to my Dad he told me that he had been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. He's doing a good job managing it with diet and exercise, and I'm so happy for him. I can't imagine having to inject myself with anything. I used to live with someone who has to do that and he really had guts. I couldn't put a needle in myself.
I don't even know if I'd have to use insulin, I'm only guessing. All I know is that the more I weigh, the more likely it is to happen to me. We already have the genetic connection, do I really need to help it along? I'm a little freaked out. I always am when I think about getting older and how the way I treat my body now cause affect me later. My Grandma died of Cancer, and my Dad has diabetes. One I can at least do my
best to avoid. While Grandma had lung cancer and I hardly ever smoke anymore, I get the feeling the genetics can help any cancer along.
I'm a little freaked out by my own mortality.
Freaked out enough to being rambling. So let's end this here.
My weight went up. That five pounds I lost last time? Gained that back, plus another pound. And it's fine to be happy with your body and all that, and I'm really trying
not to obsess over a number, but this could affect my health.
They went on and on about how my specific birth control can make you gain weight, can make you feel hungry when you're not, or that Depo puts on two pounds every year that you CAN'T LOSE.
Which is bullshit. I mean, I already eat when I'm not necessarily hungry, obviously.
But how can they track that? How can they say that it's definitely the birth control's fault? In August when I went in, I expressed my concern over my seeming senility and how I'd managed to forget to take the pill a little to often for my liking. They seemed to think that Depo was the way to go, even though I kept asking about an IUD. She didn't like that idea apparently. And I didn't care, as long as something was working that I didn't have to worry about.
I'd been on Depo before when I was seeing a different doctor. For nine months. Then they said I was gaining too much weight and I needed to go on the pill. For 7 years I took the damn pill and didn't get pregnant. I still gained weight, I've gained weight every year of my LIFE it seems like. Then I kept forgetting, and NO it wasn't my subconscious. Derek is 9 and would not benefit in any way from a little brother or sister. I don't have the time or the money for a baby, so it's an unspoken agreement between Ben and I that a baby would be a bad idea.
Ben's not a baby person anyhow.
They went on and on about other types of birth control. On and on about how I could keep gaining weight. When I lost five pounds they didn't go on and on. I felt rather bad and started crying, and then the really mean one was like..hey, I've battled the weight all my life too. Whatever. Quit making me feel bad about it, and maybe I won't cry, ok? I UNDERSTAND THAT GAINING WEIGHT IS NOT A GOOD THING IN MY CASE, I don't need it shoved down my throat.
So after the going on and on, and me not willing to try out anything new for now, they sent in the nurse to give me my shot. She asked me if birth control made me emotional. I don't know if they were trying to get her to push me towards this ring birth control or what. I told her I honestly didn't know. I've always thought of myself as a fairly emotional person anyhow, but before I took birth control I was a pregnant teenager, so WHAT DO I HAVE TO COMPARE IT TO? I'm SURE I was emotional then,
and I've been on birth control for years now. Maybe it does make me more emotional, I may NEVER KNOW.
Certainly this need they have to switch me to a different birth control makes me more emotional. I like Depo. I don't even have a period anymore (sorry to any boy who might have just read that, I'm not a good censor of myself) and there is no worry about getting pregnant. Maybe it's unnatural, but I LIKE not having a period.
Anyhow. I was really discouraged on Friday, which is why I think I waited to write this out. I sobbed (actually sobbed!) on the walk back to the bus stop. Ideally, I could just get my tubes tied and be done with it. I'm worried that my insurance won't cover enough of it, or worse yet, that I'll have to have some REASON to have my tubes tied. Other than getting pregnant, that is. That sounds about right, as I noticed on one of the information sheets the gave me that the "helper" insurance programs for Family Planning don't cover a tubal. They will, however, cover a vasectomy. It's an easier procedure. Which is bull crap. Yet another way in which girls get SCREWED.
I'm going to have a talk with our reps on the 15th. I'm gonna corner one and see if I can't get some idea of what it would take to get my tubes tied.
Maybe that will be my answer.
I tried to talk myself out of the discouragement all day Friday. I mean, I just started the walking home thing, and it's going to take some time before it "kicks in". These things usually do. It's not MAGIC. So, I'm gonna keep trying my best. And avoid eating until I absolutely have to. Because I was just eating when I was hungry, but now I can't even trust that. We spent almost two hours on the yard Saturday, and I still hurt. I'm so sore all over. But it was good for me! I have to take pictures. It really looks nice. I never remember to take before pictures, so I can't really compare, but at least you can see my garden gnomes again. The grass was getting pretty high there for a bit.
And I refuse to be discouraged. I just need to research. I will find the perfect birth control! As for my weight, and why it actually matters now? Last time I talked to my Dad he told me that he had been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. He's doing a good job managing it with diet and exercise, and I'm so happy for him. I can't imagine having to inject myself with anything. I used to live with someone who has to do that and he really had guts. I couldn't put a needle in myself.
I don't even know if I'd have to use insulin, I'm only guessing. All I know is that the more I weigh, the more likely it is to happen to me. We already have the genetic connection, do I really need to help it along? I'm a little freaked out. I always am when I think about getting older and how the way I treat my body now cause affect me later. My Grandma died of Cancer, and my Dad has diabetes. One I can at least do my
best to avoid. While Grandma had lung cancer and I hardly ever smoke anymore, I get the feeling the genetics can help any cancer along.
I'm a little freaked out by my own mortality.
Freaked out enough to being rambling. So let's end this here.
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