How Is It Possible?
I may be wrong, but I like to think that I have a pretty good disposition. That I can find something funny in everything.
So why is it that when I have a bad day, it often stretches into a bad week? Is it because my attitude gets progressively worse? Is it because that first day ruined my (somewhat) cheery disposition?
I don't even know why.
But yesterday was the SUCKIEST day ever.
Check run, so things went fast, as usual.
That's not the problem.
The consignments that I weren't told about? They sucked. I fixed one after another Wednesday.
I did everything like I always do, so most of it wasn't my fault.
Then I realized that I missed a couple of invoices. One whole folder in my consignment stuff. What I don't understand is that it looks like I processed it. I wrote the right amount down, I was SURE I made copies. But they are gone. Not on my desk at all.
These aren't consignments that get paid every time, so I guess it would be easy not to think about it.
And it wouldn't really matter (it might not really matter anyway), except this month was the grad fair, and one of those invoices? Over $14,000.00 dollars.
Which is more than I make in half a year.
I managed to just LOSE it. I can re copy. I can pay them. Not this week, unless I do a hand check. It's the idea that gets me. And the records won't be as easy to read next month since I'll have to take this error into account.
So, our records our off. I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind since I can't even find the damn invoice. And I don't know how it didn't occur to me that this huge invoice wasn't even in my batch of invoices. This is something I feel like I should have caught.
My boss is gone for the day. I emailed her to see if she wants to do a hand check tomorrow. I can always do it Monday.
They probably won't even care, it's ME who's beating me up over it.
Which brings me to a slight problem, WTF is wrong with me that one mistake and I have to beat myself up for it FOREVER. I used to hit myself. In the leg, repeatedly. This was before I even knew I could cut myself. I was hoping to give myself a bruise. I was very irritated with myself and I wanted the whole world to know it? Maybe I wanted sympathy. Have a physical mark and people will feel bad for you, and maybe forget that you fucked up?
When I make mistakes, I expect to be punished. So when other people are like..it's really not a big deal, I'm the one who is still fuming over it. Wondering how I could be that dumb.
I was hot last night, so I pushed the blankets down some. The blankets covering me feels like protection. All I could imagine after that was someone stabbing me where my blanket didn't cover.
Needless to say, I didn't sleep well. Maybe that's added to my stupidity today?
So why is it that when I have a bad day, it often stretches into a bad week? Is it because my attitude gets progressively worse? Is it because that first day ruined my (somewhat) cheery disposition?
I don't even know why.
But yesterday was the SUCKIEST day ever.
Check run, so things went fast, as usual.
That's not the problem.
The consignments that I weren't told about? They sucked. I fixed one after another Wednesday.
I did everything like I always do, so most of it wasn't my fault.
Then I realized that I missed a couple of invoices. One whole folder in my consignment stuff. What I don't understand is that it looks like I processed it. I wrote the right amount down, I was SURE I made copies. But they are gone. Not on my desk at all.
These aren't consignments that get paid every time, so I guess it would be easy not to think about it.
And it wouldn't really matter (it might not really matter anyway), except this month was the grad fair, and one of those invoices? Over $14,000.00 dollars.
Which is more than I make in half a year.
I managed to just LOSE it. I can re copy. I can pay them. Not this week, unless I do a hand check. It's the idea that gets me. And the records won't be as easy to read next month since I'll have to take this error into account.
So, our records our off. I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind since I can't even find the damn invoice. And I don't know how it didn't occur to me that this huge invoice wasn't even in my batch of invoices. This is something I feel like I should have caught.
My boss is gone for the day. I emailed her to see if she wants to do a hand check tomorrow. I can always do it Monday.
They probably won't even care, it's ME who's beating me up over it.
Which brings me to a slight problem, WTF is wrong with me that one mistake and I have to beat myself up for it FOREVER. I used to hit myself. In the leg, repeatedly. This was before I even knew I could cut myself. I was hoping to give myself a bruise. I was very irritated with myself and I wanted the whole world to know it? Maybe I wanted sympathy. Have a physical mark and people will feel bad for you, and maybe forget that you fucked up?
When I make mistakes, I expect to be punished. So when other people are like..it's really not a big deal, I'm the one who is still fuming over it. Wondering how I could be that dumb.
I was hot last night, so I pushed the blankets down some. The blankets covering me feels like protection. All I could imagine after that was someone stabbing me where my blanket didn't cover.
Needless to say, I didn't sleep well. Maybe that's added to my stupidity today?
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