Freshman Year..and part of Sophomore Year
See, I was going to start with this guy. I would have missed out on 4 whole guys and at the beginning all I really remembered was about David and Rogers and middle school..I'd almost forgotten about Jason.
Oh..lol! He showed up during Christmas of Freshman year out of nowhere and was like.."Be my girlfriend?!" and I was like..no. So I hid in the bathroom with the door locked until my little sister Misty told me he had really left and wasn't just faking leaving so I would come out. The answer was obviously no, but I was not good at no so hiding in the bathroom (avoidance) seemed an equally good idea.
Ok, end of Jason.
Freshman year I went back to school and re crushed on the same guy from middle school.
Wes. Way cooler than me, but he seemed to like me at least a little. Part of this story makes me want to SCREAM at High School me. WTF me? This was REALLY CRAZY, even by my standards.
It started with phone calls. Outside of school he was really attentive and listened to me, thought I was funny, we'd flirt outrageously sometimes. Sometimes we'd have a three way phone conversation with my friend Amanda, she'd slept with Wes over the summer...just because? I don't know...maybe they dated. I'm not sure she felt that way about him. Honestly, I kind of think she was maybe using him to see how sex was. He was a nice enough guy. It seemed like EVERYONE had done it (I found out later that only meant that everyone had LIED about doing it) and I couldn't blame her.
Here I was on the other side of sex still wondering what the big deal was. Half wanting, half terrified at the pain I was sure would occur.
I spent a lot of phone calls with him. I'm not even a phone person, though I was more of one in high school. Seemed like I talked to quite a few guys over the phone that year. Not with the flirting, but it was a year for phone calls with boys.
After a while if he was in town during the weekend, he'd ride his bike over to my house from his Aunt's. (If he was out at his house, he was out of luck, as it was FAR out there past Churchill. Not even Eugene anymore.)
I don't remember if this was when he decided to ask me to be his girlfriend. I know it was February...after Valentine's day. He had asked my friend Autumn to be his girlfriend for Valentine's day and she had declined. So he called me and said that he knew it was after Valentine's, but would I be his Valentine? I was so happy. Never mind that I was an afterthought. I was excited.
The first time he came over my mom was not at home, my stepfather was, but he was racist..Wes was black...something I had neglected to mention out loud and something I hadn't really thought was pertinent at all. I called my mom, panicked over how I should handle this situation. She gave me permission to go to the park if he was being an asshole.
I spent at least this first visit being both excited about what might occur and being worried that I would be found wanting. It's not like I had knowledge on my side.
After some awkwardness (on my part-he was always smooth), we'd spend these visits making out in various places. The park, the other park, my room when my parents were gone. It was well..kind of hot really. Do you remember making out but not going any farther? The thrill and the worked up feeling? (He totally just messaged me on facebook and I panicked for a minute thinking he was reading this or something. lol!)
I tried to hang out with him during school but he was less than enthused at hanging out with me during school. I knew I wasn't "cool", but WTF?
He broke up with me after two weeks (hell, was it only one week?) over the phone. Said I was too clingy. Still I kept up the flirting and weekend visits. I thought I was in love. HAHAHAHAHA...yes, that was a bit of hysterical laughter.
The day after my 15th birthday, I decided to just go for it. Enough of this worry..enough of not knowing! I was going to have sex.
It was awful. I froze as soon as the pain started and never relaxed again. He sensed it and asked if I wanted him to stop. I murmured out a yes and felt stupid. What a failure at sex I was!
This is by no means a review of his sexual prowess. I could not relax and the making out was always awesome so I'm sure had I calmed down and let the pain pass, I may have better memories of this.
School started again, I don't think we saw each other much that summer after the aborted sex attempt.
I started to develop a new, more crazy crush Sophomore Year, but I still enjoyed brief flirtations with Wes.
One lunch or school period we both skipped we found ourselves outside and went to a place Wes knew where we made out more. (Not the dugout, though we had moments there)
It was outside, but relatively excluded and I decided to try again...
I tried being on top, still failed at the sex though. Didn't take me long to give up and decide I didn't really want to do it anymore.
The only reasons I get mad at young me was for not having enough self esteem to stop making out and even having sex with him after he dumped me..OVER THE PHONE. Because I wasn't cool enough.
Anyhow. The rest of it is still a sweet, young and naive memory. The first time is something to be remembered. It's sad that it wasn't better for me at first, but it got better.
Next we get to Dylan. An emo, kind of weird guy. I seemed to glom onto those kinds of guys for awhile. I even dated a guy who thought he was a vampire..well, at least PRETENDED that he thought he was a vampire, and truly seemed to believe that he had an ALTERNATE PERSONALITY. That was the craziest guy I dated. There were a few less crazy, but not necessarily always nicer guys, but I seemed to be drawn to crazy, intense, too emotional guys.
Foreshadowing!
Oh..lol! He showed up during Christmas of Freshman year out of nowhere and was like.."Be my girlfriend?!" and I was like..no. So I hid in the bathroom with the door locked until my little sister Misty told me he had really left and wasn't just faking leaving so I would come out. The answer was obviously no, but I was not good at no so hiding in the bathroom (avoidance) seemed an equally good idea.
Ok, end of Jason.
Freshman year I went back to school and re crushed on the same guy from middle school.
Wes. Way cooler than me, but he seemed to like me at least a little. Part of this story makes me want to SCREAM at High School me. WTF me? This was REALLY CRAZY, even by my standards.
It started with phone calls. Outside of school he was really attentive and listened to me, thought I was funny, we'd flirt outrageously sometimes. Sometimes we'd have a three way phone conversation with my friend Amanda, she'd slept with Wes over the summer...just because? I don't know...maybe they dated. I'm not sure she felt that way about him. Honestly, I kind of think she was maybe using him to see how sex was. He was a nice enough guy. It seemed like EVERYONE had done it (I found out later that only meant that everyone had LIED about doing it) and I couldn't blame her.
Here I was on the other side of sex still wondering what the big deal was. Half wanting, half terrified at the pain I was sure would occur.
I spent a lot of phone calls with him. I'm not even a phone person, though I was more of one in high school. Seemed like I talked to quite a few guys over the phone that year. Not with the flirting, but it was a year for phone calls with boys.
After a while if he was in town during the weekend, he'd ride his bike over to my house from his Aunt's. (If he was out at his house, he was out of luck, as it was FAR out there past Churchill. Not even Eugene anymore.)
I don't remember if this was when he decided to ask me to be his girlfriend. I know it was February...after Valentine's day. He had asked my friend Autumn to be his girlfriend for Valentine's day and she had declined. So he called me and said that he knew it was after Valentine's, but would I be his Valentine? I was so happy. Never mind that I was an afterthought. I was excited.
The first time he came over my mom was not at home, my stepfather was, but he was racist..Wes was black...something I had neglected to mention out loud and something I hadn't really thought was pertinent at all. I called my mom, panicked over how I should handle this situation. She gave me permission to go to the park if he was being an asshole.
I spent at least this first visit being both excited about what might occur and being worried that I would be found wanting. It's not like I had knowledge on my side.
After some awkwardness (on my part-he was always smooth), we'd spend these visits making out in various places. The park, the other park, my room when my parents were gone. It was well..kind of hot really. Do you remember making out but not going any farther? The thrill and the worked up feeling? (He totally just messaged me on facebook and I panicked for a minute thinking he was reading this or something. lol!)
I tried to hang out with him during school but he was less than enthused at hanging out with me during school. I knew I wasn't "cool", but WTF?
He broke up with me after two weeks (hell, was it only one week?) over the phone. Said I was too clingy. Still I kept up the flirting and weekend visits. I thought I was in love. HAHAHAHAHA...yes, that was a bit of hysterical laughter.
The day after my 15th birthday, I decided to just go for it. Enough of this worry..enough of not knowing! I was going to have sex.
It was awful. I froze as soon as the pain started and never relaxed again. He sensed it and asked if I wanted him to stop. I murmured out a yes and felt stupid. What a failure at sex I was!
This is by no means a review of his sexual prowess. I could not relax and the making out was always awesome so I'm sure had I calmed down and let the pain pass, I may have better memories of this.
School started again, I don't think we saw each other much that summer after the aborted sex attempt.
I started to develop a new, more crazy crush Sophomore Year, but I still enjoyed brief flirtations with Wes.
One lunch or school period we both skipped we found ourselves outside and went to a place Wes knew where we made out more. (Not the dugout, though we had moments there)
It was outside, but relatively excluded and I decided to try again...
I tried being on top, still failed at the sex though. Didn't take me long to give up and decide I didn't really want to do it anymore.
The only reasons I get mad at young me was for not having enough self esteem to stop making out and even having sex with him after he dumped me..OVER THE PHONE. Because I wasn't cool enough.
Anyhow. The rest of it is still a sweet, young and naive memory. The first time is something to be remembered. It's sad that it wasn't better for me at first, but it got better.
Next we get to Dylan. An emo, kind of weird guy. I seemed to glom onto those kinds of guys for awhile. I even dated a guy who thought he was a vampire..well, at least PRETENDED that he thought he was a vampire, and truly seemed to believe that he had an ALTERNATE PERSONALITY. That was the craziest guy I dated. There were a few less crazy, but not necessarily always nicer guys, but I seemed to be drawn to crazy, intense, too emotional guys.
Foreshadowing!
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