Substance..
Every time I've come to this blog lately, all I've done is rant. Then put the post back into draft mode the next day. I'm not prepared to rant that much. Plus who wants to read something where all I am doing is bitching?
So I got an idea from a friend, someone who has taken to writing down her relationships..and what greater time than the present?
For one, I'll remember or at least be able to go back and read about it when I lost details.
For two, it will provide a good amount of content and shouldn't be completely ranting. Some posts will no doubt be rantier than others, but they can't all be full on rants.
For three, shit...I don't have a third reason, but at least it will keep me from posting about Ben, Magic, and how I'm certain we won't make it forever.
Like this week? I'm pretty sure he doesn't find me attractive. Has he said this? Has there REALLY been a reason why I should think this?
No..but after accidentally finding his stash of porn pictures last week while trying to upload pics to facebook, I'm feeling very much less than.
I wasn't snooping..the upload page took me directly there. Did I then investigate further? Sure. I thought maybe I could get some examples of what he thinks is hot and make myself over some night so that he can't keep his hands off me.
But instead all I saw were skinny, fake breasted girls that I could never really hope to achieve.
Is this all in my head? No fucking doubt. Hopefully. Shit, I don't know. Half debating asking him if he even thinks I'm cute anymore later after more rum and cokes. I'm sure that'll go over well.
I'm not sure I know how to do this relationship thing.
I want someone who wants to touch me, who sometimes (not always) can't keep from kissing my shoulder or rubbing my back, or even trying to get me alone to make out with me a bit.
I had a dream that he kept doing that, following me away from the public eye to make out in dark hallways. It was hot. I know I can't hope for the honeymoon period forever, I just want it occasionally.
Meh.
What's sad is that we had really amazing sex last night with the lights on, and he was attentive and fantastic, and then this morning we couldn't seem to get it together and that instantly became further fodder for my goddamn crazy imagination. If he can't bring himself to care about sex a mere 11 hours after the last time, he must think I'm ugly. Yes, I'm fucked up. That's why I have a blog. Haha.
Anyhow. Stay tuned for past relationships/sex partners in my life. I hope it's at least semi entertaining. =)
So I got an idea from a friend, someone who has taken to writing down her relationships..and what greater time than the present?
For one, I'll remember or at least be able to go back and read about it when I lost details.
For two, it will provide a good amount of content and shouldn't be completely ranting. Some posts will no doubt be rantier than others, but they can't all be full on rants.
For three, shit...I don't have a third reason, but at least it will keep me from posting about Ben, Magic, and how I'm certain we won't make it forever.
Like this week? I'm pretty sure he doesn't find me attractive. Has he said this? Has there REALLY been a reason why I should think this?
No..but after accidentally finding his stash of porn pictures last week while trying to upload pics to facebook, I'm feeling very much less than.
I wasn't snooping..the upload page took me directly there. Did I then investigate further? Sure. I thought maybe I could get some examples of what he thinks is hot and make myself over some night so that he can't keep his hands off me.
But instead all I saw were skinny, fake breasted girls that I could never really hope to achieve.
Is this all in my head? No fucking doubt. Hopefully. Shit, I don't know. Half debating asking him if he even thinks I'm cute anymore later after more rum and cokes. I'm sure that'll go over well.
I'm not sure I know how to do this relationship thing.
I want someone who wants to touch me, who sometimes (not always) can't keep from kissing my shoulder or rubbing my back, or even trying to get me alone to make out with me a bit.
I had a dream that he kept doing that, following me away from the public eye to make out in dark hallways. It was hot. I know I can't hope for the honeymoon period forever, I just want it occasionally.
Meh.
What's sad is that we had really amazing sex last night with the lights on, and he was attentive and fantastic, and then this morning we couldn't seem to get it together and that instantly became further fodder for my goddamn crazy imagination. If he can't bring himself to care about sex a mere 11 hours after the last time, he must think I'm ugly. Yes, I'm fucked up. That's why I have a blog. Haha.
Anyhow. Stay tuned for past relationships/sex partners in my life. I hope it's at least semi entertaining. =)
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