Things my heart still needs to know
I just read Karen's letter to Derek. I know it was not addressed to me, but it was open and on the table.
She is really amazing.
And she is in an un-enviable position, being the person married to Jake. She has to deal with his "I forgot"s and all that. Plus, she has to tread eggshells around me. That's the impression that I get.
And I feel for her. I don't want to put her in that position, but she often ends up being the middle person between Jake and I. We are both stubborn assholes and yet she deals with it.
It was a very nice letter, detailing how much she misses my son. I really couldn't ask for more in a step mom. I abhorred my own step mother, and I only hope that Derek adores his.
Scratch that, I know Derek likes her. It's obvious when he brings up how Karen does "this" this way, and you know what? I end up butthurt over it, when I should really be saving up these moments to share with her.
Moments that would make her realize that while kids don't always share how they feel, he does care about her.
I say this because I've been that person, on more than one occasion. I've ADORED other people's kids, only to have them not remember me when I see tham again years later. Not remember at all that wonderful conversation we had about barbies and how dragons can fly. I love kids. I think they are the most innocent, wonderful things in this world. They deserve to be nurtured and maybe even coddled and protected. So I guess this is my little blog post about how much I miss the kids who have moved through my life.
All of them. From my own little brother, to Olivia (Constance's daughter who is extremely close to Derek in age) to Ezra, to Mina, to Ariel's Mina (who I do get to see, but only sparingly), to many, many more. I get hopelessly attached to other people's children. I never understand when someone is like...I don't really like my boyfriend's daughter. WTF? You may not like the kid, but most likely it's due to the parenting skills. I hope I'm not coming off all Michael Jackson here. I don't LOVE kids that way, I just think they are wonderful. I need to work harder on making sure Karen knows how much Derek likes and appreciates her. And if she and Jake don't make it, if, than I need to make sure she can still be with my kid for periods of time. At this point, we have kids who are half siblings. That should at least connect us some way. I just remember how much it sucks to lose that kid connection when you've worked so hard to be more than just another adult to them.
All right, well, I've watched another CSI, I've gotten all sappy over Karen's letter, I'm off to play some computer games.
She is really amazing.
And she is in an un-enviable position, being the person married to Jake. She has to deal with his "I forgot"s and all that. Plus, she has to tread eggshells around me. That's the impression that I get.
And I feel for her. I don't want to put her in that position, but she often ends up being the middle person between Jake and I. We are both stubborn assholes and yet she deals with it.
It was a very nice letter, detailing how much she misses my son. I really couldn't ask for more in a step mom. I abhorred my own step mother, and I only hope that Derek adores his.
Scratch that, I know Derek likes her. It's obvious when he brings up how Karen does "this" this way, and you know what? I end up butthurt over it, when I should really be saving up these moments to share with her.
Moments that would make her realize that while kids don't always share how they feel, he does care about her.
I say this because I've been that person, on more than one occasion. I've ADORED other people's kids, only to have them not remember me when I see tham again years later. Not remember at all that wonderful conversation we had about barbies and how dragons can fly. I love kids. I think they are the most innocent, wonderful things in this world. They deserve to be nurtured and maybe even coddled and protected. So I guess this is my little blog post about how much I miss the kids who have moved through my life.
All of them. From my own little brother, to Olivia (Constance's daughter who is extremely close to Derek in age) to Ezra, to Mina, to Ariel's Mina (who I do get to see, but only sparingly), to many, many more. I get hopelessly attached to other people's children. I never understand when someone is like...I don't really like my boyfriend's daughter. WTF? You may not like the kid, but most likely it's due to the parenting skills. I hope I'm not coming off all Michael Jackson here. I don't LOVE kids that way, I just think they are wonderful. I need to work harder on making sure Karen knows how much Derek likes and appreciates her. And if she and Jake don't make it, if, than I need to make sure she can still be with my kid for periods of time. At this point, we have kids who are half siblings. That should at least connect us some way. I just remember how much it sucks to lose that kid connection when you've worked so hard to be more than just another adult to them.
All right, well, I've watched another CSI, I've gotten all sappy over Karen's letter, I'm off to play some computer games.
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