I sent in an application to see if Providence would lower my costs for medical stuff based on my income. They wanted all adult income. I estimated D's unemployment, and then wrote at the bottom that I had failed as a mother as he was hopelessly unorganized so I had no clue how much he was getting.
That couldn't be more fucking true, as apparently he's only occasionally getting unemployment. He's only barely over half a month behind on paying rent, but I'm still fucking pissed. I have failed. He doesn't want to be a corporate cog either (I can't even blame him, I'm so fucking sick of working and I still have so many years before I could even think of retiring).
Instead he will spend all hours in the bathroom with stomach issues (is that disability? No fucking joke, he was in there from before 5 am until almost 6 this morning and this happens all the time. When I ask, he says diarrhea issues. Which I also have, I mean, I have what I call nervous stomach). But how much would I want to be looking for a job if my stomach was revolting and really what is the end result? I can't make him care and after 22 fucking years of supporting him, it's not like I'm gonna leave him homeless so ultimatums won't work.
I could find a cheaper apartment, but any would be one bathroom, and I'm sick enough of having to text him out of the bathroom. I didn't like how stressed he was, how mopey he was, but I can't afford this nonchalance.
At least I just got to put in my application for student loan forgiveness. That's something. Maybe I can save up more instead of nothing. Find a small place that I could afford a mortgage on while rents skyrocket in Oregon.
Maybe Oregon isn't the answer. Maybe I should do like my gypsy mother and run away to a different state.This is why when we moved, I should not have asked him how much extra he could pay in rent. This is just another lesson to me to be reliant on no one but myself. How many times do I have to learn this lesson? Because I've been learning it since 16, and I really thought I had this shit down and then I go and find a more expensive place to rent - like I jinxed him and me.
That couldn't be more fucking true, as apparently he's only occasionally getting unemployment. He's only barely over half a month behind on paying rent, but I'm still fucking pissed. I have failed. He doesn't want to be a corporate cog either (I can't even blame him, I'm so fucking sick of working and I still have so many years before I could even think of retiring).
Instead he will spend all hours in the bathroom with stomach issues (is that disability? No fucking joke, he was in there from before 5 am until almost 6 this morning and this happens all the time. When I ask, he says diarrhea issues. Which I also have, I mean, I have what I call nervous stomach). But how much would I want to be looking for a job if my stomach was revolting and really what is the end result? I can't make him care and after 22 fucking years of supporting him, it's not like I'm gonna leave him homeless so ultimatums won't work.
I could find a cheaper apartment, but any would be one bathroom, and I'm sick enough of having to text him out of the bathroom. I didn't like how stressed he was, how mopey he was, but I can't afford this nonchalance.
At least I just got to put in my application for student loan forgiveness. That's something. Maybe I can save up more instead of nothing. Find a small place that I could afford a mortgage on while rents skyrocket in Oregon.
Maybe Oregon isn't the answer. Maybe I should do like my gypsy mother and run away to a different state.This is why when we moved, I should not have asked him how much extra he could pay in rent. This is just another lesson to me to be reliant on no one but myself. How many times do I have to learn this lesson? Because I've been learning it since 16, and I really thought I had this shit down and then I go and find a more expensive place to rent - like I jinxed him and me.
Comments