I have kept to my promise. I have spoken not at all of marriage since I sent the email. Good job me. It’s really a lot nicer to not become emotionally wrecked when I can’t explain myself to Ben in a way that he agrees and it’s certainly not getting me any closer to being married.
Dad’s death day came and went. I mostly ignored it, even with all the wine and day drinking for Katie’s birthday party. It was awesome. I LOVE being ridiculous for the camera. Try to get a good picture and I’m like..oh hell no, I look horrid, but when I am trying to look ridiculous, I don’t mind so much. Go figure. There were so many pictures of me taken, cat ears, wigs, pimp hats, a sombrero. ..I’m excited to see them. And judiciously share them. There was one where I was grabbing someone’s boob, that will not be available for all my face book friends, only the cool ones!
Charles’ birthday was Friday. I feel like I’ve come to terms more with it. It sucks. He didn’t deserve it. But it’s how it is. I’m still sad and I briefly thought about watching the DVD we made at work of people remembering him. I can’t though. Not yet. I’m still really sad that I must’ve either not taken the picture I thought I did, or it was erased for its ridiculousness and then my SD card failed….I don’t know. I will never delete another picture. At least not of a person. So it was all set to be a rough weekend, but turned out I was too busy. Friday we had D’s little friend over, so that day we had to pick up some stuff to feed them, etc..Then I was grossed out by the toilets…why am I the only one who cares enough to clean them? Le sigh. I also got another visitor in the form of my tiny neighbor for some time. Coloring and Bratz cartoons and fun all around. Ben is kind of adorable with her.
Saturday the boys left, I did nothing, but I did get a walk in and the neighbor came over for Glee…we’ve now finished season 3 like it was nothing. We watched one of the harder ones though, with the domestic abuse story line. Never a really good subject for me to dwell on, but it seemed to turn out okay in the long run. I didn’t get morose.
Sunday came and went like a blink of an eye. Had to hit the store and be home by 12:30 which is no mean feat for me. Then the party and the wine and food stuffs. SO MANY PICTURES. I can’t wait to see them all. More Glee and I got to sleep in today so hurray for not as shitty weekend as I thought might happen. At least it went quick before I could dwell too much.
I don’t know where else to say this without seeming weird. So here it is..I miss you dad. I don’t really know why, but I do. I wish we could have been closer. And I really wish you could’ve met my son. He’s pretty awesome and I know you’d like him. So maybe I should also apologize here. For not making more of an effort to see you….while you may have also not made much of an effort, you certainly made more of one than most of the rest of my family once we moved to Oregon. I rarely hear anything from those people and yet, every year you’d send me another birthday card, a Christmas card, called me up. You know? Those things count, even if you weren’t the most involved dad while I was growing up.
Dad’s death day came and went. I mostly ignored it, even with all the wine and day drinking for Katie’s birthday party. It was awesome. I LOVE being ridiculous for the camera. Try to get a good picture and I’m like..oh hell no, I look horrid, but when I am trying to look ridiculous, I don’t mind so much. Go figure. There were so many pictures of me taken, cat ears, wigs, pimp hats, a sombrero. ..I’m excited to see them. And judiciously share them. There was one where I was grabbing someone’s boob, that will not be available for all my face book friends, only the cool ones!
Charles’ birthday was Friday. I feel like I’ve come to terms more with it. It sucks. He didn’t deserve it. But it’s how it is. I’m still sad and I briefly thought about watching the DVD we made at work of people remembering him. I can’t though. Not yet. I’m still really sad that I must’ve either not taken the picture I thought I did, or it was erased for its ridiculousness and then my SD card failed….I don’t know. I will never delete another picture. At least not of a person. So it was all set to be a rough weekend, but turned out I was too busy. Friday we had D’s little friend over, so that day we had to pick up some stuff to feed them, etc..Then I was grossed out by the toilets…why am I the only one who cares enough to clean them? Le sigh. I also got another visitor in the form of my tiny neighbor for some time. Coloring and Bratz cartoons and fun all around. Ben is kind of adorable with her.
Saturday the boys left, I did nothing, but I did get a walk in and the neighbor came over for Glee…we’ve now finished season 3 like it was nothing. We watched one of the harder ones though, with the domestic abuse story line. Never a really good subject for me to dwell on, but it seemed to turn out okay in the long run. I didn’t get morose.
Sunday came and went like a blink of an eye. Had to hit the store and be home by 12:30 which is no mean feat for me. Then the party and the wine and food stuffs. SO MANY PICTURES. I can’t wait to see them all. More Glee and I got to sleep in today so hurray for not as shitty weekend as I thought might happen. At least it went quick before I could dwell too much.
I don’t know where else to say this without seeming weird. So here it is..I miss you dad. I don’t really know why, but I do. I wish we could have been closer. And I really wish you could’ve met my son. He’s pretty awesome and I know you’d like him. So maybe I should also apologize here. For not making more of an effort to see you….while you may have also not made much of an effort, you certainly made more of one than most of the rest of my family once we moved to Oregon. I rarely hear anything from those people and yet, every year you’d send me another birthday card, a Christmas card, called me up. You know? Those things count, even if you weren’t the most involved dad while I was growing up.
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