What occurred this morning means I'll never be able to survive a zombie apocalypse.
I've been seeing people taking the "how long would you survive" test. I'm pretty sure I'd be first. That last time I had a zombie dream I held off the zombie by pushing him away using his head. Like an annoying little brother or sister. Pretty ineffectual, I'm thinking.
Spiders are obviously less scary than zombies would be, which is why it's troublesome that I can't always kill the spider.
Some days I'm fine and can kill it (and feel OH SO VICTORIOUS), mostly when Ben is asleep and I scare one in the bathroom.
Today though...
I was washing my hands when I noticed a VERY LARGE brown thing peeking out from behind the mouth rinse bottle. One leg half angled onto my razor. Not an easy spot to try and kill a spider. So I tried to convince myself that there was no way that huge thing was a spider. It was probably dust or something.
I looked a little closer and saw itglaring malevolently staring at me. (ok...so maybe it wasn't looking at me but given how many eyes they have, it probably was.)
I thought to myself...well, I'm 30 years old, surely I can kill this monstrous spider. And I steeled myself out to grab the mouth rinse and SMASH IT WITH IT. Brilliant plan, especially seeing how it wasn't entirely on a flat surface and it was TOUCHING the mouth rinse meaning it would probably freak out when I moved it. Without moving it there was no way I was going to be able to hit it though.
Derek hadn't left for school yet, so I went out to the living room as he was trying to say good bye and said "there is a HUGE spider in the bathroom". I swear to god, he ROLLED HIS EYES and said "where's a shoe?" as if he was just going to kill it easily and what a silly GIRL I was for not doing it myself.
He got in the bathroom and saw it and immediately said.."I'm going to wake up Ben". To which I started arguing. Ben was asleep, I didn't think he'd like to be woken up for a spider.
I told the child that I COULD KILL IT, I just wanted him next to me...(for moral support? I don't know why I thought having him there would help me kill it) and again I reached for the mouth rinse.
I pulled my hand away quickly to try and stifle the nervous giggling that suddenly started welling up in me. Derek looked at me funny, probably thinking his mom had finally lost her mind. It was just so funny! How come I couldn't bring my hand down to just do it?
I tried a countdown, didn't help.
I think I finally moved the mouth rinse a bit and the damn spider scooted over so quickly that I gave up.
I came in to the bedroom, telling Ben how there was a spider in the bathroom and how I thought I could kill it, but I totally couldn't kill it, and again giggles welled up in my throat. I'm surprised he didn't think I was screwing with him. Maybe the giggles had the right amount of hysterical edge to them.
He got up, probably wondering WHY he lived with me?
He does agree that it was huge. And wily, it took quite a few tries to finally kill it off.
I don't have a picture, I briefly thought about grabbing the camera while Ben was trying to kill it, but then thought that it might annoy him further and probably not help in the over all goal, which was to kill the damn spider.
Ben says it wasn't as big as a small puppy, but when I said it had to have been at least as big as a quarter, he said.."oh, it was bigger than that."
I guess you'll have to take my word for it. Watch out for the spiders escaping the fall happening outside! (well, not so much fall today)
Spiders are obviously less scary than zombies would be, which is why it's troublesome that I can't always kill the spider.
Some days I'm fine and can kill it (and feel OH SO VICTORIOUS), mostly when Ben is asleep and I scare one in the bathroom.
Today though...
I was washing my hands when I noticed a VERY LARGE brown thing peeking out from behind the mouth rinse bottle. One leg half angled onto my razor. Not an easy spot to try and kill a spider. So I tried to convince myself that there was no way that huge thing was a spider. It was probably dust or something.
I looked a little closer and saw it
I thought to myself...well, I'm 30 years old, surely I can kill this monstrous spider. And I steeled myself out to grab the mouth rinse and SMASH IT WITH IT. Brilliant plan, especially seeing how it wasn't entirely on a flat surface and it was TOUCHING the mouth rinse meaning it would probably freak out when I moved it. Without moving it there was no way I was going to be able to hit it though.
Derek hadn't left for school yet, so I went out to the living room as he was trying to say good bye and said "there is a HUGE spider in the bathroom". I swear to god, he ROLLED HIS EYES and said "where's a shoe?" as if he was just going to kill it easily and what a silly GIRL I was for not doing it myself.
He got in the bathroom and saw it and immediately said.."I'm going to wake up Ben". To which I started arguing. Ben was asleep, I didn't think he'd like to be woken up for a spider.
I told the child that I COULD KILL IT, I just wanted him next to me...(for moral support? I don't know why I thought having him there would help me kill it) and again I reached for the mouth rinse.
I pulled my hand away quickly to try and stifle the nervous giggling that suddenly started welling up in me. Derek looked at me funny, probably thinking his mom had finally lost her mind. It was just so funny! How come I couldn't bring my hand down to just do it?
I tried a countdown, didn't help.
I think I finally moved the mouth rinse a bit and the damn spider scooted over so quickly that I gave up.
I came in to the bedroom, telling Ben how there was a spider in the bathroom and how I thought I could kill it, but I totally couldn't kill it, and again giggles welled up in my throat. I'm surprised he didn't think I was screwing with him. Maybe the giggles had the right amount of hysterical edge to them.
He got up, probably wondering WHY he lived with me?
He does agree that it was huge. And wily, it took quite a few tries to finally kill it off.
I don't have a picture, I briefly thought about grabbing the camera while Ben was trying to kill it, but then thought that it might annoy him further and probably not help in the over all goal, which was to kill the damn spider.
Ben says it wasn't as big as a small puppy, but when I said it had to have been at least as big as a quarter, he said.."oh, it was bigger than that."
I guess you'll have to take my word for it. Watch out for the spiders escaping the fall happening outside! (well, not so much fall today)
Comments