It happened
The thing I always think will happen.
Although it hasn’t taken the form of complete abandonment (mostly, some are completely absent in my life, people who I thought were friends for life); no it hasn’t been complete abandonment. I’m just not anyone’s favorite. I figured I wasn’t really worthy. M likes me but is that necessity? Because I’ve thrust myself into her life so thoroughly and am so helpful? Helpful to the point of it being weird to others? Or because I can drink with her?
I don’t know. I guess everyone else grew up, got goals and lifes.
I can’t keep up with some. As I was always afraid of, being the fattest person ever has finally stunted me. I used to be all fuck you! I can do anything! Now I’m tired and sore and don’t want to do anything.
I’m still Ben’s favorite I think. But I wonder if that’s necessity too? Because I am a godawful person. I tell myself lies so I can be delusional. I’m funny to the point of being caustic. I’m far too open and say anything. My crazy is too close to the surface.
Plus I’m fat. I drink too much (although I am better). I can’t just seem to fall into this life. I’m sick of being the responsible one.
I’m annoying. Fuck it. At least now I seem to have realized I can’t drink my feelings away. They always find me.
Although it hasn’t taken the form of complete abandonment (mostly, some are completely absent in my life, people who I thought were friends for life); no it hasn’t been complete abandonment. I’m just not anyone’s favorite. I figured I wasn’t really worthy. M likes me but is that necessity? Because I’ve thrust myself into her life so thoroughly and am so helpful? Helpful to the point of it being weird to others? Or because I can drink with her?
I don’t know. I guess everyone else grew up, got goals and lifes.
I can’t keep up with some. As I was always afraid of, being the fattest person ever has finally stunted me. I used to be all fuck you! I can do anything! Now I’m tired and sore and don’t want to do anything.
I’m still Ben’s favorite I think. But I wonder if that’s necessity too? Because I am a godawful person. I tell myself lies so I can be delusional. I’m funny to the point of being caustic. I’m far too open and say anything. My crazy is too close to the surface.
Plus I’m fat. I drink too much (although I am better). I can’t just seem to fall into this life. I’m sick of being the responsible one.
I’m annoying. Fuck it. At least now I seem to have realized I can’t drink my feelings away. They always find me.
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