At least one of the reasons why I keep this blog private now.
Guess what guys?
MY MOM CAME TO VISIT ME. I was horrified.
Totally sure that I was going to give away how much I abhor her, how much I judge her...none of which ever goes well.
To be completely fair, does anyone take unwanted criticism well?
To be completely unfair, NOTHING IS EVER MY MOTHER'S FAULT. It is all the world around her.
I shouldn't have been worried. I was eager to please, like I've always been. Most of the 40 or so minutes she spent in my house I spent trying to be funny and looking over at Derek when I was unsure what else to do.
To the point where he was like...WHY DO YOU KEEP LOOKING AT ME?
Maybe one day he'll make a blog post about how WEIRD his mom was just staring at him.
I've placed a lot of my anger on my mother for ignoring me, and then ignoring my son.
Or what I felt was ignoring...as I've gotten older I realized it was probably better that she wasn't around to fuck me up more. Or him for that matter.
To his credit, he was amiable. "grandma-this" and "grandma-that"...like it wasn't more than 11 years since she spent any time with him.
I think he may equate grandma with money, but at least he didn't make her mad for some reason.
Also, she wasn't drinking or tweaked out of her mind..so maybe her anger button wasn't so quick to respond anyhow.
All I can think is that we were like polite strangers. And my mom has always been good with people who she doesn't live with. They all loved her as I wondered how the fuck they could like somebody who would turn on you in a minute after a few drinks.
Meh. It was kind of surreal. And she (of course) didn't call at all today on her trip back through Oregon on the way to Wyoming. I suppose I should not be surprised.
Never mind that she may be dead before we see each other again.
I'm torn. I'd like her to be a normal mother who'd take me out to lunch, but I didn't want to show her around my office. She looks so OLD after all the drugs. =(
MY MOM CAME TO VISIT ME. I was horrified.
Totally sure that I was going to give away how much I abhor her, how much I judge her...none of which ever goes well.
To be completely fair, does anyone take unwanted criticism well?
To be completely unfair, NOTHING IS EVER MY MOTHER'S FAULT. It is all the world around her.
I shouldn't have been worried. I was eager to please, like I've always been. Most of the 40 or so minutes she spent in my house I spent trying to be funny and looking over at Derek when I was unsure what else to do.
To the point where he was like...WHY DO YOU KEEP LOOKING AT ME?
Maybe one day he'll make a blog post about how WEIRD his mom was just staring at him.
I've placed a lot of my anger on my mother for ignoring me, and then ignoring my son.
Or what I felt was ignoring...as I've gotten older I realized it was probably better that she wasn't around to fuck me up more. Or him for that matter.
To his credit, he was amiable. "grandma-this" and "grandma-that"...like it wasn't more than 11 years since she spent any time with him.
I think he may equate grandma with money, but at least he didn't make her mad for some reason.
Also, she wasn't drinking or tweaked out of her mind..so maybe her anger button wasn't so quick to respond anyhow.
All I can think is that we were like polite strangers. And my mom has always been good with people who she doesn't live with. They all loved her as I wondered how the fuck they could like somebody who would turn on you in a minute after a few drinks.
Meh. It was kind of surreal. And she (of course) didn't call at all today on her trip back through Oregon on the way to Wyoming. I suppose I should not be surprised.
Never mind that she may be dead before we see each other again.
I'm torn. I'd like her to be a normal mother who'd take me out to lunch, but I didn't want to show her around my office. She looks so OLD after all the drugs. =(
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